shedding

(this one's for you, candy.)

to shed, or not to shed... that was the question as lent came to a close.

the answer: shed.

as i prepared for the lenten season what came to the surface was my desire to go to other things for comfort rather than God. though i don't go to FOOD for comfort the way that i did for 20 years, i still do find comfort in it from time to time... its continued to be my "reward". what always has accompanied it is SHOPPING (usually in the form of gifts for others). this isn't any new revelation. what was new was the recognition that there was still more room for growth. the Spirit urged my soul with the desire to shed this temporary solution for comfort with an invitation to find my comfort in Christ... and Christ alone. so i gave up anything that i sought comfort in.

throughout the lenten season i kept mediating on the phrase: "Jesus Christ shed his blood for you... and with it he washed all of your sins away." over and over again this prayer spilled over my lips and reached into my soul. by the end of those 40 days i found myself in closer proximity with Christ.

the fruit that was ripened over that season was longer times of journaling, mornings blessed with the promptings of the Spirit in prayer on my lips as i awoke, and long stretches scouring the Psalms for reminders of YHWH's faithfulness... examples that he's trustworthy.

as i came into closer proximity with Christ i heard an invitation to take some physical action as a way to respond to Christ's gifts of awareness during lent. an invitation to do some shedding of my own... so i shed the only thing i could think of on Easter... my leg hair. (it's been 16 years for those who were wondering!)

so, it's been an interesting month being free of fuzz. this has actually caused me to reflect more on the gift of Christ's shed blood in my life (not because of niks ~ i still know how to wield a razor surprisingly enough) but because my new found smoothness has served me as a daily reminder that i am a NEW CREATION IN CHRIST.

strange way to grow deeper in that realization, i know,... but this is how the Spirit tends my soul ... with images and invitations.

leaky

i can't seem to shake a bit of the blues as of late... they keep making me be all leaky (that's my term for crying). overall i'm grateful... very grateful... for these last 9 months. the Lord has been so gracious and so kind in my life. i have innumerable reasons to thank him!

but my gratitude just can't make me shake some of the fears and lies that have been causing my leaks.

it seems crazy to continue to struggle with believing the lies: that i'm not "good enough"; that i mess everything up; that i'm "damaged goods"; that when i try to love i just end up hurting others; . . ._ fill in the blank_. after all this time i still believe the lies like they were the Truth. ugh.

my old friend doug bradbury always talked about how "we need to believe the Truth as if it were a lie!" so i'm trying to r e a c h for the Truth and b e l i e v e it with the same intensity (if not more) that i've been buying these lies.

i've NEEDED the scriptures so much lately... to argue the TRUTH into my head and heart. just listening in the Psalms for the TRUTH that YHWH is faithful and trustworthy (96, 138)... that the LORD has made me tov-tov & that he adores me (139). or as Isaiah proclaims in chapter 62:4, i am YHWH's Hephzibah... his delight! and in the writings of Paul, to be reminded that "i am a new creation IN CHRIST"(Galatians 6:15)... that "i don't belong to myself, but that i belong God" and that Christ has bought me (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)... and i am no longer an enemy of God, but rather i am his friend (Romans 5:10).

i need these Truths to hold onto because this storm keeps causing leaks.