the labor of trust

brennan manning said that
TRUSTING GOD is something that
you have to choose to RENEW DAILY.
i believe him.

tuesday night, wednesday and most of thursday lent me a good gift... for freedom came in the wake of choosing ~for the first time~ to completely trust in Christ's compassion & love... even a little HOPE began to shine through. it was amazing.

then thursday evening came
bearing down on me with difficult news.
i was overwhelmed all over again
... did i learn anything?!?
... was tuesday's decision truly authentic?
... why was i so crushed?!?

i believe i did learn something
... infact, i believe i was truly changed!
tuesday evening!
it was an authentic decision.
i believe that in my bones.
then thursday evening came and left me feeling crushed.

what i learned was that
trusting Christ didn't allow me
to escape pain & difficulty
... rather,
trusting Christ
invites me into enter INTO
the difficulty, pain, despair with the knowledge

... that HE is NOT going to break me,
"the bruised reed"

... it gives me freedom to feel what i feel
and know that he will not drown me, "a smoldering wick"

trusting Christ
INVITES me
to lean against his bosom,
like the beloved disciple John did,
& be vulnerable with him.

(hmmm... vulnerable.
another one of those tough words for me)

trusting Christ INVITES me
to choose him to be
my strength,
my help,
my support,
my hope
when i feel weak & vulnerable...
...and to BELIEVE that HE will PROVIDE all of those things
...that HE WILL BE ALL OF THOSE THINGS!

...so
with puffy eyes & damp cheeks
i am here
with the great I AM
... trusting that HE is MORE than enough for me
not just tuesday,
nor just today,
but everyday...
forever.