wrecked

i felt a bit torn between faith communties tonight: acrc's annual thanksgiving dinner & vineyard's service... what to do? i'm glad i decided to go to both.

the "last supper" at acrc was meaningful and i was grateful to hear that i had been used in someone' s life there this year... to extend encouragement. but i also knew in my gut that i was supposed to hear the next part of the Blue Like Jazz series at vineyard... and i'm grateful beyond words that i found my way into that space, among that people,... because i experienced something that was beyond my comprehension.

i came in on the start of Scott reading a story written in Sports Illustrated (i know, weird magazine for me to refer to in my blog or any part of my life really). the story is about this dad and his son... and the great lengths the dad has gone to for his son to know HOW VERY MUCH he is LOVED & VALUED.

here's the link :: http://cjcphoto.com/can/ :: the rest of what i'll say won't make much sense with out y'all reading this story and watching the video at the end.

it left me completely wrecked...
i can't imagine someone
EVER loving me like that.

i didn't know how to respond to it.
i felt so raw and was struggling when i was trying to talk with folks afterward.

so i came home, opened the link and like scott
i just wept...
hit the button...
then wept some more.
this went on for a while.

words pale at that kind of beauty...
...at that kind of the profound love.
my imagination doesn't know where to put it...
my soul doesn't know how to experience it with God...
my heart doesn't know how to hope for it here with another...

i don't think i've ever known
that kind of love... ever.
pure
sacrificial
full of delight
wanting to bless

how i want to KNOW this.
could it ever be possible in my life?
i can imagine it for others... but me?
i don't know.

all i do know is that
i'm raw
... and wrecked.