kicked in the gut

i don't know what do to with this feeling. rejection always leaves me feeling like i've been kicked in the gut... especially when there's no clear explaination to it. you'd think by now it wouldn't effect me... but when it comes from other believers that you risk to trust & love, well, its just so damn hard... i just seem to not be able to shake the pain and confusion that it has left again in the wake of my life.

good closure. that's what i long for. that's all i really want. relationships come and go... that's part of the seasons of life... it's reality... i understand and accept that.

death arrives not just in the form of our physical death, but it comes to relationships, communities, our work, ministry, etc. pruning is a form of death that lend life... and good closure offers us the ability to appreciate and steward this pruning.

what's hurtful is when the "death" isn't handled well... when you don't understand what brought it about... when you don't get a chance to say good bye. so i guess that's where i am... sitting with the hurt and confusion similar to an unexplained loss of life ~ like what a car accident does to one.

i just want some insights to why i've been abandoned in a dear-to-me friendship... i want to know what i need to own & repent of... i want to know what to leave in their hands. at this point i just feel shitty about myself when it comes to them. i'd like the opportunity to be a part of good closure to the gift of friendship that we were given... to bring a good closure to our shared story... to experience Christ's redemptive grace in the death of a friendship that will one day be transformed by the restoration of Christ's return. Come, shalom, come!